so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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