His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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