Pappa wants mamma naked
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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