I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
