Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
