the new term for farting is butt boxing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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