Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
