I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
40s are totally the cure
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
