Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE