Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'