Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.