walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here