sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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