Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she peed on how many people?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
