I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Randomize
