I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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