A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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