I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
