Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
