3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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