Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
