when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
