I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
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Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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