you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
