no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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