it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
