So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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