I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize