I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
