i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can I color on your dick again?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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