legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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