Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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