32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she peed on how many people?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
