Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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