woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
