when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
