im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
