nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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