just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
