p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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