mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
