Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
