I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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