So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
