You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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