You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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