At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
