So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
