SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
