I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
