I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
