My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
