You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
