Already got asked if we're dating
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
