Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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