i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
