The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
