i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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