All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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