There was a lot of him and a little penis
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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