i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
