Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
