Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
