i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
