O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
