Do you still have your period?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
no, he came in my armpit
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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