he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
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It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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