I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
