There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
