Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple