and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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