Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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