She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
