Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Never underestimate the power of titties
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