I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
