Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
