PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
