I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
